The study room was bustling with the usual chatter. Jeff slouched in his chair, idly scrolling through his phone, while Troy and Abed whispered excitedly about some elaborate scheme involving cardboard boxes and the ventilation ducts. Shirley arranged her notebooks with meticulous care, sneaking glances at Annie, who was studying the Anthropology syllabus as if it held the secrets to the universe.
Professor Duncan swaggered into the room with a self-satisfied grin, a stack of papers in hand. “Right, gather around, everyone. This weekend’s assignment for Anthropology will push you to the very brink of understanding human connection—or at least make you reconsider everything you think you know about relationships.”
Jeff glanced up, barely interested. “Unless this involves a time machine or free snacks, I’m out.”
Duncan grinned, clearly unfazed. “Oh, it’s far more interesting than that. This weekend, you’ll each be participating in the Anthropology Marriage Project—a simulated ‘marital experience’ with one of your classmates.”
The group’s reaction was immediate and varied: Troy’s face lit up, Shirley blinked in surprise, Britta scowled, and Jeff looked like he’d just heard the worst news of his life.
“Oh, don’t look so horrified, Jeff,” Duncan added, raising his voice. “Think of it as a deep dive into the anthropological importance of the marital bond. Or as I like to call it: a weekend in couples’ hell.”
Britta scoffed, crossing her arms. “Are you kidding me? Simulating marriage as a project? Duncan, this whole thing reeks of patriarchal, heteronormative nonsense designed to enforce outdated cultural ideals!”
The rest of the group groaned as if on cue, with Shirley muttering, “Here we go…”
Duncan smirked, enjoying himself. “Ah, yes, thank you, Britta, for that rousing critique. Unfortunately for you, failing to participate means failing the class, so consider it a lesson in adaptability.”
Troy raised his hand, eyes wide with interest. “So, we’re like… fake married? Can we at least pick our partners?”
“Ah, no, no, no,” Duncan said, raising an eyebrow. “As your esteemed professor, I took the liberty of assigning pairs. After all, true anthropological study requires stepping out of your comfort zone.”
Jeff rolled his eyes. “Of course. I’m sure these ‘assignments’ are completely random and in no way designed to ruin my weekend.”
Duncan feigned innocence as he held up a list of pairs. “Right, let’s get started. First up: Jeff and… Annie.”
Jeff groaned, while Annie broke into a grin that she quickly tried to suppress. “Jeff, this will be perfect! We’ll make an excellent team. Think of all the data we can collect on relationship dynamics!”
“Annie, I’ve already got all the data I need,” Jeff replied dryly. “It says: ‘Reluctant man forced into nonsensical class project. Results: boredom, frustration, probable migraine.’”
Unfazed, Duncan continued, moving down the list. “Next, we have Britta and Troy.”
Britta’s expression shifted, just slightly, as she glanced at Troy. He flashed her a grin, clearly thrilled by the prospect.
“Awesome!” Troy said, nudging her. “We’ll be the best fake couple ever.”
Britta groaned. “This whole thing is ridiculous, Troy. I am not about to let some pretend marriage reinforce sexist stereotypes about partnership—”
Jeff smirked. “What was that about adaptability, Britta?”
Duncan went on, not missing a beat. “Shirley, you’ll be paired with Abed.”
Shirley looked over at Abed with a hint of suspicion. “Now, Abed, you don’t have any… un-Christian ideas about marriage, do you?”
Abed tilted his head thoughtfully. “Actually, Shirley, I was thinking we could analyze it from the perspective of interfaith relationships, focusing on the cultural exchanges between Christianity and Islam. We could even film it as a documentary—very cinema verité.”
Shirley blinked, processing this, then gave him a hesitant nod. “Well… as long as we keep it wholesome.”
Duncan finished reading off the rest of the pairs, finally reaching Pierce, whom he’d partnered with an obscure student who seemed just as bewildered by her assignment. Pierce shrugged, muttering something about “finally having a woman who’ll listen.”
“All right,” Duncan concluded, slapping the project sheets down on the table. “This assignment starts tomorrow. You’ll have until Sunday night to live out your simulated marriage and return with your findings. Oh, and remember…” He paused dramatically, relishing the moment. “Divorcing your partner means an automatic fail.”
Jeff sighed, reluctantly glancing at Annie, who was practically vibrating with excitement. “Annie, just so we’re clear, I’m not doing anything involving ‘feelings’ or ‘sharing moments,’ okay?”
Annie just smiled, undeterred. “You never know, Jeff. Anthropology might surprise you!”
As the group dispersed, Annie stayed behind, casually approaching Professor Duncan, who was shuffling his papers with a pleased expression.
Annie glanced around to make sure no one was watching, then slipped a crumpled twenty-dollar bill across the table toward him. Duncan raised an eyebrow, giving her a look that said, “Really?”
Annie cleared her throat and whispered, “I just… wanted to ensure I got the most academically motivated partner. For… data integrity.”
Duncan pocketed the bill with a small smirk. “Always a pleasure doing business with you, Miss Edison.”
The study group filed out of the room, each heading off with varying levels of enthusiasm—or in Jeff’s case, total reluctance. But as he left the building, he noticed Annie walking a few steps behind him, her face lit with determination.
“You know,” she began, catching up to him, “if we really commit to this, we might actually learn something important about human connections.”
“Or we’ll prove that you should never fake a marriage with your classmates,” Jeff replied with a smirk.
She shrugged, smiling to herself. “We’ll see.”
Jeff watched her walk ahead, an amused smile playing on his lips. This whole “marriage simulation” might be just another Greendale stunt, but something told him Annie had a few surprises in store for him.